One of the old hallmarks of civility was being able to disagree with someone and still live well with them. For the most part, this still holds in a good number of places; for example, your friend or colleague may be a devout Christian or Muslim, and while you may not believe in the tenets of their faith, you can still work or enjoy life alongside them.

Now, it’s also true that discussing politics can be considered bad form in certain environments because while you may get along in most areas, getting to the heart of values and beliefs may not always lead to perfect harmony. For instance, if you’re gay and a friend may be devout in their faith, they may not approve of your lifestyle but also not condemn you for it.

Should you still remain friends with that person? This is your decision to make, of course. Can you be friends with them? Of course, depending on how they treat you. You’re not a worse person for calling it quits, however.

Let’s consider how your decision may or may not be influenced.

Is It Antagonistic?

There’s a massive difference between someone quietly disagreeing with aspects of your life and someone who’s actively hostile about it. A friend might have religious beliefs that don’t align with your lifestyle, but they keep those thoughts mostly to themselves and treat you with respect anyway, that’s workable. They might enjoy going to protests you’re not sure of, or, perhaps, they enjoy wearing politically-adjacent clothes like Gulf of America threads, but that might not affect you.

Yet, if someone’s constantly making snide comments, “joking” at your expense, or bringing up their disapproval in subtle ways, that’s antagonistic, and it’s exhausting. You shouldn’t have to brace yourself every time you hang out with a friend, wondering when they’ll slip in another little dig.

Does It Affect Daily Life?

Some disagreements stay theoretical and rarely impact your actual day-to-day relationship. Your friend might disagree with universal healthcare in principle, but that disagreement doesn’t actually change how you interact with each other. Those kinds of differences can often coexist with a solid friendship even if you don’t vote the same way.

But other disagreements really do bleed into everyday situations. If your friend refuses to attend your same-sex wedding, that’s not just a theoretical difference anymore, it’s affecting real life events and moments that matter to you. If they won’t come to your house because your partner lives there too, that’s creating practical barriers to your friendship.

Do They Try to Change You? 

Probably the biggest red flag in any friendship with differences is whether the other person sees you as a project to fix. There’s a world of importance between someone who thinks differently but accepts you as you are, and someone who’s constantly trying to alter your “problematic” aspects.

Watch for patterns of conversations that always seem to circle back to why you should reconsider your lifestyle, beliefs, or identity. Then, notice if they’re constantly sending you articles, videos, or books meant to persuade you toward their viewpoint. Pay attention to whether they introduce you to others specifically chosen to influence you or not. If they respect you, they won’t try that.

With this advice, we hope you can feel more understanding about how to keep friends with different politics.